The longest fight I have ever had lasted over an hour. At no time was I in any danger.
The thing was, we were dealing with an inmate who wanted to hurt himself. Lighten up for even an instant on pressure and he would start slamming his own head into the floor. Lose a grip on his wrist and he would try to gouge his own eyes.
In most situations– self-defense, combatives, whatever– you have a goal. Get to safety. Get the bad guy in cuffs. Whatever. In almost every case, the threat’s goal is irrelevant to your goal. If the threat wants to play with me as a toy or see what someone looks like as they die or get enough cash for the next hit of meth or heroin or crack, that really doesn’t affect my goal to get home in one piece.
Get this: most of the time your goal is NOT to deny the threat’s goal. Most of the time your goal (go home safe or threat goes to jail) are antagonistic to the threat’s goal purely as a side effect.
But, rarely, your goal is to deny the threat’s goal. Your focus shifts from winning to denying the threat his idea of a win.
This is strategically dangerous. One of the golden rules of tactics is to never play the threat’s game. But when you are trying to deny the threat his definition of the win, you’ve already ceded most of your strategy. There is no pro-active way to work from this paradigm. When your goal is denying the threat’s goal, you have already let the threat define the goal. The threat controls the battlefield and has the advantage.
In long-term conflicts, “denying the opposition” has a more profound side-effect. Once you define yourself by your enemy, you can never win. Labor/management. Israel/Palestine. To defeat your enemy would cause your raison d’être to die. And thus, you.
Note for a future post: positive versus negative, in definition and goals.