I think the last stretch has been the longest time without a post since the blog started. There are nonexistent, rational and irrational reasons for my dry spells. Going to walk them out a bit.
Nonexistent reasons include writer’s block and lack of time. I don’t get writer’s block. There are times, probably most of the time, when I don’t feel like writing. Some of the reasons for the feelings will come in the rational and irrational lists below. But just because I don’t feel like it doesn’t mean I can’t do it. Writing is like any other job– you show up, you do the work. And honestly, I think my uninspired writing is technically better and far more readable than when I’m in the zone. In the zone I’m writing to myself and use all kinds of shorthand and personal language that doesn’t translate to anyone else.
And time. I don’t always have hours to write, but I always have minutes. And if I ever start using the time excuse, I just have to monitor the minutes and hours I spend doing unproductive things, but that would be embarrassing.
Writing on other stuff. Time writing here is not time spent writing for Conflict Manager Magazine or working on the next book. And the next book (On Principles-based instruction) took a ridiculous amount of effort in the rewrite.
Too personal/too public. A lot of the most interesting things I am observing now are people. Instructors, students, classes. And, frankly, I sometimes see some weird and disturbing shit I’d like to think about out loud on the blog… but I don’t want to deal with the e-mails of “Dude, were you talking about me?” Most people talk others down to build themselves up. Even if that’s not my intention, I refuse to follow the pattern. It was okay when I was doing the blog as an anonymous jail guard, now that it’s part of my living, it would violate my ethics.
I do have a backlog of good ideas, but it might take a year or two for time to create anonymity.
On the line between rational and irrational.
Swiss cheese brain. It might be the concussions, or age, or simply volume, but I’m worried about repeating myself, turning into the old guy in the corner telling the same stories over and over again.
Relevance. I’ve influenced enough people who are coming into their own as instructors and writers that there is a very visible next generation. I also don’t want to be the old guy struggling to stay relevant when his first-hand perspective is a decade out of date.
These are the deep ones. The things actually affecting my performance are all known cognitive biases. But they still work.
Imposter syndrome. Everyone I know who is really good at what they do has a voice in the back of his or her head telling them that they suck. The book that kicked my ass over the last year is about how to teach, which is something I’ve only been doing full time for eight years. Who the fuck am I to write on that subject? One of the first readers (those are the people kind enough to critique the first draft) gave me a list of educational reference books to back up my points, but my reaction was, “how would I dare to write if I wasn’t already familiar with the literature…”
Blockheads. One of the recognized cognitive biases is the human tendency to assign more weight to bad outcomes than good ones. I taught roughly 900 people last year, and I remember the three who just couldn’t get it. Occasionally, you’ll see it in a comment here, where someone writes, “What about…” And I want to reply, “You mean the thing I addressed directly in the very first paragraph?”
Tribalism.The election season hit me hard. Not the politics itself. On social media I watched friends, people who I consider thoughtful, advocate violence as an acceptable response to words. Declare that people who disagreed with their own opinions should be exterminated. Characterize their sides acts of violence as “free expression” and the other side’s violent words as “vicious oppression.” I saw the Orwellian doublethink hard and it was coming from the bottom up, not the top down.
That was what I wanted to write about most and there’s really no way to talk about it. Once tribalism is triggered, people are out of their neocortex anyway. The people who are staying rational don’t need to hear logical breakdowns, they have their own. The ones who most need to hear it are incapable, and convinced that their opinions are already based in logic and “truth.” (Pro tip, if you ever catch yourself screaming that you’re being rational, you aren’t being rational.)
It sucked bad enough that I wanted to fall back to my own immediate tribe, and not even all the members of that.
Tribalism is true, but it’s under irrational. Because that bullshit has nothing to do with what I write about here. Different parts of my life. But it made a damn good excuse to write and delete.