Contempt is a form of lack of respect. In terms of interpersonal relationships, it describes an aspect of how a person feels about someone else. It also can describe how someone feels about something inanimate such as an institution, rule, or law. The key point here is that contempt is an emotion. It is not … [Read more…]
Respect begets respect. It takes respect to get respect. You have to give respect to receive respect. These are all common sayings that represent a shared truth. Respect is an elusive concept. You can ask for respect, but you may not get it. You may demand more respect and get less respect in return. Respect … [Read more…]
The goal of effective boundary setting is to eliminate violations. Violations are eliminated by the creation of Respect. Respect is created by Just-Right Enforcement. In order to create Just-Right Enforcement, Just-Right Communication is required. Just-Right Communication enables Just-Right Enforcement because 1. It is NOT Under-Communication which creates confusion about the rules. 2. It is NOT … [Read more…]
It takes giving Respect to receive Respect. That is a commonly used phrase. It makes sense. If you are not respectful to people, they are unlikely to be respectful to you in return. But what if you Over-Respect them? It is possible to give someone too much Respect? Respect is considered to be such a … [Read more…]
The purpose of communication is to aid enforcement by conveying the rules of behavior (boundaries). Without clear communication appropriate (Just-Right) enforcement is difficult to achieve. Some words for Under-Communication are: Silence, Beat around the bush, Imply, Misinform, Mislead. Some people violate the rules unintentially because they don’t understand the rules of behavior. Other people violate the rules intentionally … [Read more…]
The purpose of Communication is to enable Enforcement of the rules of behavior. Before the rules can be enforced, people need to understand the rules. Otherwise, the rules will be continuously violated due to a lack of understanding. But once understanding has been achieved, only those that don’t Respect the rules, violate them. The goal … [Read more…]
Many people think that enforcement creates respect. But in reality, sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. For those who see enforcement creating respect, it is easy to believe that more enforcement leads to more respect. These people tend to use Over-Enforcement. There are also those who think that any level of enforcement will create … [Read more…]
Under-Enforcement is the opposite of Over-Enforcement. But it doesn’t create the opposite effect. Under-Enforcement also creates Under-Respect. It does so by the creation of Contempt. Some words for Under-Enforcement are: Lenient, Permissive, Too passive, Excusing, Compliant, Allowing, Easy going, Condoning, Letting, Mild, Obliging, Permitting, Soft-hearted, Yielding Under-Enforcement creates Under-Respect which is also known as: Contempt, … [Read more…]
When a Beholder(s) (violator/bystanders/witness/etc) feels that he or she has been subject to, or has witnessed an Over-Enforcement response, he or she has an emotional reaction of feelings of unfairness. The greater the perceived unfairness, the greater the emotion. This response is the Backlash (resentment, blowback) against both the Enforcer and/or the Rule being enforced. … [Read more…]
Nothing is certain in life except for death, taxes, and boundary setting. Most human interpersonal and societal relationships are based on some variation boundary setting. So unless you are a lifelong hermet, you have been using boundary setting since early childhood. While boundary setting is a natural action that people do in various ways. Effective … [Read more…]